I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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