I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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