The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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