Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
