What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
