I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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