Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
