I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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