I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
