I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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