I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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