Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
