thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
