I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
