Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize