You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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