My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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