his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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