Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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