I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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