need another drink. this is the easiest way
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
