i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
