if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
