It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
