Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
