john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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