If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
