I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
