Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
