i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
