Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
