You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
