I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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