i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
