Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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