i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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