To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
