I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize