I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
