ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
