You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my being single is dangerous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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