There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
