just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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