I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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