i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
