Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
