We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
