I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
