:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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