I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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