Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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