i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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