dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You are the jesus of drinking
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
