OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
