Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
