I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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