Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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