the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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