margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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