Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
