it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bring me that man meat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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