Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
