why didn't you poke me back
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
