i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
