Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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