I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
