yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
